- They are present. These days, it’s common to walk into a meeting just before it officially starts to find most participants nose-down staring at their laptop or smart phone screens. Or perhaps a great face-to-face conversation is suddenly interrupted when someone cannot resist their phone’s vibration and stops to check the notification. These behaviors, along with other distractions, rob us of our ability to focus and be present. Worse yet, they send an indirect message that other people just aren’t worthy of our attention. The most likeable people are present. They are adept at applying Dale Carnegie’s 9th Human Relations principle, ‘Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely,’ because their undivided attention—their presence, is a gift others love to receive.
- They’re excited to see everyone! Popular people constantly practice Dale Carnegie’s 4th principle, ‘Become genuinely interested in other people.’ From the minute they enter a room, they’re excited to greet everyone and engage in an honest, open dialogue because they have a genuine interest in An easy test to discern if someone is genuine or not is to check how they treat others for congruency. If they treat food service, janitorial, strangers, etc. with the same level of enthusiasm and sincerity, then they are genuinely interested in other people.
- They are humble. There is a fine line between being charismatic and confident, and outright arrogant. Think about the people you love to be around the most and odds are that they are humble instead of obnoxious. They don’t rattle off the most recent awards they’ve won or tout prowess of any kind. Instead of focusing on themselves, they focus on others which is evidence of the application of Dale Carnegie’s 19th principle, ‘Appeal to nobler motives.’
- They have negative empathy. Popular people have a keen sense of how to comfort others who encounter setbacks. They coordinate meal plans for the employee recently diagnosed with cancer and now on medical leave. They try to help the person who didn’t survive the last round of downsizing by offering an attentive ear; their advice; access to their professional social networks, etc. It’s natural for them to, ‘Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves,’ Dale Carnegie’s 7th
- They are vulnerable. Sometimes people perceive being vulnerable as a weakness, however the opposite is true. It’s actually a strength because it demonstrates having courage and a high level of self-awareness required to recognize it. Popular people aren’t afraid to put themselves out there even if in doing so they run the risk of being embarrassed. Whereas seemingly perfect people tend to be less likeable because let’s face it—we are not perfect, people are attracted to popular people because, having accepted that they are imperfect, they don’t need approval from others and are therefore more approachable.
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